She dream lively dreams

My baby had a dream that I died. She came into my room just crying her little eyes out. She was very much shaken up and distraught about it. I didnt know what to do or say, partly because it was 6 in the morning and I wasnt 100% awake. She just kept repeating I dont want to lose you, I cant lose you mommy I would die. It truely broke my heart to see her in such a state. I had to exsplain to her that death is a part of life. The thing about it is that it isnt the end. Just a sort of "see you later". I have done well to try to move on from my twins death and think that I am making GREAT progress but every now and then I have my draw backs. We have to embrace it in order for us to lose what fear we have of it.

The search for the cause of my Dream below.....

I'm Being Chased"

Chase dreams is one of several common dream themes. As with most of the common dreams, they often stem from feelings of anxiety in your waking life. Running is an instinctive response to physical threats in your environment. In these dreams, you can be pursued by an attacker, an animal or an unknown figure, who wants to hurt or possibly kill you. In turn, you run, hide or try to outwit your pursuer. Your actions in the dream parallel how you respond to pressure and cope with fears, stress or various situations in your waking life. Instead of confronting the situation, you are running away and avoiding it. Ask yourself who is the one chasing you so that you can gain understanding and insight on the source of your fears and anxieties.

The pursuer or attacker who is chasing you in your dream may also represent an aspect of yourself. Your own feelings of anger, jealousy, fear, and possibly love, can assume the appearance of threatening figure. The shadowy figure can also symbolize rejected characteristics of your self. You may be projecting these feelings onto the unknown chaser. Next time you have a chase dream, turn around and confront your pursuer. Ask them why they are chasing you. Perhaps you are running away from something. What are you trying to run from?

If you are the one doing the chasing, then the dream may highlight your drive and ambition to go after something you want. Or perhaps the dream suggests that you are falling behind and having to catch up with everyone else.

Consider the distance or gap between you and your pursuer. This indicates your closeness to the issue. If the pursuer is gaining on you, then it suggests that the problem is not going to go away. The problem will surround you until you confront and address it. However, if you are able to widen the gap between your pursuer, then the problem is becoming less and less of an issue. You are able to successful distance yourself from the problem. In essence, the problem is fading away.

A more direct analysis of chase dreams is the fear of being attacked. Such dreams are more common among women than men, who may feel physically vulnerable in the urban environment. These dreams are inspired by fears of violence and sexual assault in which we are so over-exposed from the media, which magnifies such fears.

This is what I found for a response to a earlier dream. Kinda struck a nerve.

My dreams crazyest

I just woke up from the most crazyiest dream. I drempt that Chris was trapped in the most craziest modern kinda alice in wonderland kinds place and was trying to make his way to heaven. But I wasn't the only one there. The devil had sent demons to try to lure him to hell. I just kept singing hyms even when I was scared to death and Chris keep following me. Even when I felt my weakest I would sing a gospel song and he would began to follow me. He was like an older person that isn't in their right mind. He didn't quite remember me but he wasn't putting it pass that he did know me. We made it to his crossing over point and he recognized me right before he left. All I could do was cry. He kept saying Thank you for not giving up on me. Your dreams mean more then you realize, I am off to find out what mine ment at 1:20 am.

Just .....ugh..... Lord help me...please.

Today I was reminded of why Chris was always kinda protective and defensive when it came to me. I had a male friend or shall I say someone that I thought was a do some straight GRIMY shyt... like just grimy. And I just got so heated and lost my temper. How could you let me do for you as a friend and pretend to have good intentions in a friendship if that is truely not where your attentions lie. He just ugh.... a huge ass regret. He called my phone after ignoring me for DAYS and have me worried about your well being. My brother use to cool me down and just tell me how nothing that I think is serious enough to get mad over is not that serious at all.... I started to do some real G s*#! but caught myself. It wasn't that serious when I really thought about it and he was right people reap what they sow. The best that we can hope for in this life is to have good company until god calls us home. So Iam asking you guys to pray lord...please help her temper and help her to outgrow it. All Iam coming up with is just ugh.....lord help me....please.

Memorial

I won a tattoo contest and went to go and get it on Monday. I wrote about my brother and why I miss him. The guy that actually tatted me had twins and said that he most definitely knew what I was going thru to a degree. People act like it is a switch and I can just turn it off but I am going thru some thing alot more complicated then that. I went with the fear of the pain from the tat but there was a completely different feeling once I was actually there getting it done. I felt better. Alot of the pain and the hurt that I was feeling related to the death dissipated. I felt relieved and relaxed. My sister has been procrastinating about getting one but that isn't me. Where there is a will there is always a way. It turned out real nice and I was happy with the end result. The whole time he was doing it we went over stories Chris. This bus itself was completely tricked out and state of the art. Everything was top notch and up to date. I was impressed. There has been change in my behavior since I have gotten it. I have been smiling every time some one ask me about it. My face just lights up like a Christmas tree. I feel ALOT better. Kinda like I released some of the anger and negative emotions. But there is a stare that I get from certain people that is kinda funny, funny because they look at me as if I am a thug or some outlaw type and that couldn't be further from the truth.

Ugh today was just awful...... Things I had hope to do for my brother myself are being over taken by others and right now I just don't want to be bothered by anyone at all. ....ugh.

One of my sisters called me early in the morning yesturday crying about Chris. See he has a Myspace and the only reason she hasn't deleted her's is because he is one of her friends. It said "Christopher is in your extended network"... She busted out crying cause she said she would rather he be here. Death is never really easy but it is a fact of life. Pray for healing and guidence and god will see you thru.

To clarify I didn't make this blog to make people depressed or bring them down. But to let the know what I saw in the last days of his life and why I celebrate him. Chris was a very special kind of person. He had what my grandmother would call a old soul. He cared about every one around him and everything. I use to get mad at him all the time for doing so much for others and not enough for himself. I was in the library when someone asked me about him. I just busted out crying. Most that know me know that it is EXTREMELY abnormal for me to be such a blubbering mess. I can't really complain because I got to say my goodbyes and he knew that I loved him deeply and would have done anything for him. He was in so much pain in his final days that that fact that he died is not what hurts but the fact that he will never again go thru my refrigerator and eat all my left overs. He will never again go thru my car to make sure I have a spare tire and jack. From time to time I will be posting my thoughts on him in this blog as a way of venting if you will. Feel free to put what you want on here as well, cause since writing it has helped me immensely. Always let your love ones know that you love them and keep them close to your heart cause you never know when god will call them home.

Christopher Robert Poindexter passed the day before Memorial day. He went into the hospital to have a mass removed off his kidney and flatlined on the table for 20 minutes. He was 27 years old. When they brought him back he had brain damage from being under for so long. Chris had seizures and the tremors. He has to get a tracheotomy to help him breath (hole in the neck). Since January 23 he was in a semi comatose state. He had lost an lot of weight and the hair in the back of his head from lack of movement. Chris held on till every one that I could contact made it down there to say their goodbyes. I am posting this so I don't have to keep telling people. It hurts to keep going over it. He was heaven sent and a GREAT person. The first pick is the day before and the second is afterwards. Please tell anyone that you dont think know.